you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
