Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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May the power of my ass compel you!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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