Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
