My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
