There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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