This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
