the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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