before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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