he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
