You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
