It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
