because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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