i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
