I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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