i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
