After last night, I could never be a politician.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
