I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
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