If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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