Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
