dude i'm inner monologue high
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize