Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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