Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
