the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
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I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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