$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
