Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
