You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
