ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize