If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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