They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
