I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
