I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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