My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
