Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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