How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
