Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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