I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
