I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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