planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
