Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
