Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
