i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
