i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
