I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
