Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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