Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
