so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
