My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
