You were right. It hurts to walk today.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
