Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
