Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
