brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
