I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
