Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
