You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
