***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
