We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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