masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
