Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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