i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
