I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
