I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
