Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
