6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
