Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
