Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize