I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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