Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
