4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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