I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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