I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
