After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
