i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
