I seem to have left my pride at pride
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
