everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
