we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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