Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
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Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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