Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
