Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she told me i tasted like america
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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