Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
