Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
