walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
