i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
