My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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