her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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