His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
