guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
