Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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