That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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