Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
