Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
