the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
