I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
