I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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